A shimmering of light fills my room that I can faintly detect through closed eyes. Outside birds are chirping, and I feel myself slowly rising into consciousness. I open my eyes. A sense of excitement makes itself known in my tummy, and a smile creeps onto my face as I remember what day it is. It is my birthday. I roll over onto my side and peer at the clock on my nightstand. 7:03. Disappointed, I roll back and cross my arms. It is too early to get up, my parents told me I couldn’t come down until 8 am. I close my eyes again and stay like this for a couple of minutes. Soon, my body becomes restless, and I start kicking the duvet off my legs until it’s bundled up at the foot of the bed. Surely, my parents are awake by now. I jump out of bed, grab my socks from the floor – my mum hates it when I walk around the house barefoot – and I softly open my bedroom door. The entire house seems to be engulfed in silence, like the air is standing still. I throw a quick glance at my siblings’ bedroom doors. All closed, all quiet. Slowly, I creep down the stairs. My tummy flips with excitement as I spot a colorful balloon dangling from the hallway ceiling. The staircase creaks under my feet and I try to step as lightly as possible, afraid to catch anyone’s attention. As I’ve reached the bottom, the toes of my right foot making contact with the cold tiles, the door to the kitchen swings open. The sudden noise startles me, and I jump back up one step. My dad locks eyes with me.
“What are you doing down here?”, he says confused, slightly annoyed.
He’s in his pajamas.
“Um, I couldn’t sleep anymore.”, I respond, feeling caught in mischief.
“Go back to bed, it’s too early for you to be up.” He shifts his stance, blocking the kitchen door, making it physically impossible for me to go anywhere else but back upstairs. I hesitate. I don’t want to go back to bed.
“I will come get you in an hour. I promise. Now, go back upstairs.”
Reluctantly, I retreat back up the stairs. I look back down and see my dad go into the bathroom. In my room I sit down on my bed, annoyed, but also embarrassed to get caught like that. I didn’t do anything wrong, but sometimes my dad will get a particular look in his eyes that makes me crumple with shame. How he does this will forever remain a mystery to me.
Somehow, I must have fallen back asleep. My eyes slowly flutter open and I read the words ‘Jack & Jones’ printed in blue and white block letters. My gaze travels upward and I see my dad. He’s crouched down beside my bed, and I feel his hand stroking my hair.
“Happy birthday, doll.”, he smiles. I smile back.
“Come on, everyone is waiting for you.”, he pulls me out of bed, throws me over his shoulder, and I can’t help but giggle as he carries me down the stairs.
—
The blaring sound of the alarm clock abruptly pulls me awake, and I quickly roll over to turn it off. I check the time. 7:03. I fall back in bed with a sigh.
“Shit.”, I say aloud. I overslept.
Until this year, my birthday always coincided with the May-vacation, but, unlucky for me, they’ve changed the dates. So now, I have to get to school. My body still feeling numb with slumber, I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. Tired eyes stare back at me in the mirror, and I force a little smile at my reflection. Another year older, but still hella cute, I think to myself. If only I could pause time for a little while. Next year, I’ll be graduating high school. Next year, I’ll officially be an adult. The thought sends a shiver down my spine. Or is it simply my body trying to wake itself up? I’m not sure.
My brother bursts into the bathroom. “Oh, hey.”, he says as he nudges me to the side to get to the sink. I wait a few seconds.
“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”, I ask.
“What?”, he stares at me in the mirror. “Oh, right.”, he finally realizes. “Happy birthday!” He puts an arm around me and gives me a lame side hug.
“Thanks.”, I say before picking up my toothbrush.
“You have to hurry up.” he says, “Dad needs to go to work, but he wants to see you before he leaves.”
When I walk into the kitchen my mum and sister are sitting at the table, eating breakfast. My mum notices me first.
“Good morning birthday girl!” She gets up and gives me a hug. My sister does the same.
“Where’s dad?”, I ask. “I didn’t miss him, did I?”
“No, no, he’s in the garage.”, my mum states. “He said he needed to check on something.”
I hurry to the garage, where I find my dad standing over my bike. He doesn’t hear me come in, so I watch him work for a while. I’m not sure what he’s doing, but then I notice the air pump next to him.
“Did it need some extra air?” I ask. He swiftly turns around, seemingly startled by my voice. He exhales loudly and puts a hand to his chest.
“I didn’t know you were standing there,” he chuckles, “you made me jump.”
This makes me giggle a bit. “Sorry.”, I say.
“I just wanted to check, but it’s all good.”, he says in response to my earlier question. He steps away from my bike and rushes over to me, arms wide open.
“Happy birthday, doll.”, he says as I disappear in his embrace. He kisses the side of my face. I take a step back, letting go before my dad does, and his arms are left lingering along the side of me.
“So, I have to get to work.”, he takes a step towards the door. “Have a good day.”
“Thanks, you too.” I respond. “See you tonight.”
“See you tonight, darling.”
I check my watch and let out a small gasp as I see the time. My friends are probably already waiting for me. I rush to my bike and pull it out of the garage.
As I’m riding down our street, my dad passes me in his car. He lightly honks his horn and waves at me. I excitedly wave back and smile.
—
“Good morning.” My mum’s voice startles me as she walks into the kitchen. The milk I was pouring into my coffee spills and drips down the side of the mug. It leaves a small white puddle on the countertop.
“Good morning.”, I respond.
“Have you been up for long?”, she asks.
“No.”, I lie.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been up for. I know I woke up way ahead of my alarm, spent a while staring at the ceiling, and got up when I became restless and couldn’t take it anymore. Without a clue of what the current time might be, I reach for my phone to check. 7:03. Visiting hours don’t start until 11 am, so we’ve got some time to kill.
As I’m wiping up the milk I spilled, my mum walks over and kisses me on the cheek.
“Happy birthday, darling.”, she says.
I give her a smile. “Thanks, mum.”
We drink our coffee in peaceful silence. Seemingly peaceful, though my mind is racing. My mum walks over to the fridge and pulls it open.
“You wanted to bring him a piece of the pie you baked, right?”, she asks.
“Yes, I do.”
“Alright, I’ll find a container for it then.”, she says. After rummaging around she finds one, cuts a slice of pie, puts it in, and places it in the top of her bag. We look at each other, all ready to go, but we’re way too early.
I grab a book and open it with a sigh.
When we arrive at the hospital, my sister is already there waiting for us. I spot her sitting on a bench in the long, never-ending hallway, underneath the sign that reads ‘Oncology’.
“Think fast!”, I exclaim, as I throw her a lollipop that I got from the reception desk. She looks up with wide eyes, almost drops her phone, as the candy lands in the center of her lap.
“You have to start thinking faster.”, I chuckle slightly, as I walk up to her.
“Hey, I caught it in my lap!” She shoots me an annoyed look.
“Nah, you’re just lucky I’ve got good aim.”, I respond, and she rolls her eyes.
My sister stands up and pulls me into a hug. “Happy birthday, by the way.”
“Thanks.”
The three of us walk to the elevator, change our minds, and head for the stairs. I guess you could say we appreciate exercise in this family, whatever circumstance it might be endured in. When we get to the right floor, the familiar smell of disinfectant and the slight, but noticeable, increase in temperature meets us at the large double doors. We head down the long corridor, to the room at the very end. I walk in first, and in the back right corner a happy face meets mine. He opens his arms wide as I walk up to him.
“Happy birthday, doll.”, he says when I sit down on the bed and fall into his embrace. He strokes my hair.
“Thank you, dad.” I sense a quiver in my voice, but I swallow hard and force myself to smile. “I brought you something!”, I say, and reach for my mum’s bag. She hands me the small container, I open it and hand it to my dad.
“Apple pie, my favorite!”, he exclaims. “It almost feels like it’s my birthday!”
We all laugh.
“It’s my favorite too.”, I say.
“And mine.”, my sister states.
“And mine.”, my mum repeats.
“Mine too!”, we hear from behind us, and I turn my head to see my brother walking into the room.
—
Once again, I’m twisting and turning, entangling myself in my bedsheets, with no desire to get up, but unable to close my eyes. Instead, I stare at the ceiling. My alarm goes off, and I feel a sting of annoyance knowing I forgot to turn it off last night. I decide to ignore it, and wait until it snoozes on its own. I roll over to look at the clock. 7:03. Might as well just get up, I think to myself. I softly open my bedroom door and start creeping down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone. It’s Sunday, they probably would all like to sleep in. As I’m almost at the bottom of the stairs, I finally notice the balloon dangling from the ceiling. It brings a smile to my face. Without making any noise, I make it down the stairs. As I’m reaching for the kitchen door, someone opens it from the other side. It’s my mum.
“Oh!”, she exclaims. “You startled me!”
“Sorry.”, I say.
“Why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep anymore. What about you?”
“Same here.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
We both fall silent. My mum starts toward the bathroom, but then she turns around.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea.”, she says. “I came across some old video tapes when I was decluttering the office the other day, would you like to watch them?”
“Yeah, sure.”, I respond.
Later that day my mum and I prop ourselves up on the sofa, the box of tapes in between us, and start looking through them. I pick one up with “birthday ‘08” written on the spine.
“Can we watch this one?”, I ask.
“Of course.”
I place the tape into the video player, and hit play. The fuzzy image slowly becomes clear, and I see my own six year old face smiling at the camera, a couple of teeth missing from my mouth.
“Who’s birthday is it today?”, my dad’s voice asks from behind the camera.
“Mine!”, six year old me exclaims, followed by excited giggles.
Suddenly, my dad’s face appears on screen. He’s still holding the camera, but he turned it around to get himself in the shot.
“Happy birthday, doll.” He says with a smile.
“Dad! Film me again, pleaseee.”, I hear my younger self whine in the background. My dad laughs and turns the camera back around.
I laugh too, tears already streaming down my face.
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